i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
