What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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