New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize