i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
