and you said cock pushups were impossible
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize