Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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