I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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