pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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