Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
