Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
