A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
