You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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