im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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