so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize