My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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