Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's never too late to be topless.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
