Don't you send me to vm
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
