Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
