so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
