i think my tv is drunk
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
