I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
