You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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