I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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