can we get nightvision for the apartment?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
