Four minutes until I can fart!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
