He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
