My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
