I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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