I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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