How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He shit in the fireplace
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
