just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
