I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
