i came on her dog
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
