I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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