I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
