It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
