I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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