this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
