If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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