I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize