she looked like the before picture.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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