I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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