Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
