This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
