apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
