we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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