I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
ttyl tear gas
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
