I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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