Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
