I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize