summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
