; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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