remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
this boner is exhausting
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
