last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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