It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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