My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
