I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
