dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
