I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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