I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
