As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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