So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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