If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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