and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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