it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
