well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
