I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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