put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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