No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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