I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
