Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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