): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
