Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize