just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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