i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
