does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
