man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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