oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize