So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
