Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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