Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
