3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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