highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
