His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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