we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
