I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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