i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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