the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
