I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
