I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
