Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
