Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
